Posturing on the Streets

I just had a blog entry posted on Change.org about the SF "Sit/Lie Ordinance" action. Ironically, a number of the SF proponents try to point to Berkeley as an example. Yet, things aren't really that simple, or clear, in Berkeley.

In fact, in recent weeks, I've met with an officer of the Berkeley police command and a city councilman to discuss this issue. I've heard from several sources that there's a similar, or worse, initiative in the works and tried to confirm if this is so. After these personal, one-on-one meetings... it remains unclear.

I've before looked up the actual codes, as I've recounted in previous blog posts here, but have only found that such specific "postural" ordinances are specified during specific hours in one defined area known as "the box" -- an area adjacent to the UC campus, roughly between Shattuck and Telegraph/People's Park areas. The Prime Business Rectangle. Well, okay.

That may be some kind of precedent, but SF's ordinance rallyers appear to be overstating their case and clamoring for a quite more restrictive, even citywide version. That's something else, in practical effect. That's creating law to control people's posture in public places. Ludicrous.

It's starkly a decoy type law, specifically meant to give the police total discretionary enforcement powers, simply to "roust" people if they can't easily nail 'em for what they're actually doing wrong. Apparently, bugged citizens just aren't complaining enough. The cops need such a complaint to act, if they haven't personally witnessed an infraction. Do I sound like I'm detailing what the real "problems" are here? Of course I am.

While this issue's been mounting, and getting increased play in a number of venues and various press, we're also seeing the typical fusing of the matter with "the homeless" targeted and presumed, in particular. THIS is what I must oppose. It's even significantly wrong.

For instance, a recent Chron article had Mayor Newsom crediting the city with suprising success in the "help the homeless" campaigns and programs... announcing how many are no longer on the streets and with no especial reason to expect that those remaining outdoors are the culprits on Haight Street misbehaving. Even some articles have explained that some of these, indeed, are NOT homeless but just "hanging out" there which has long been a Haight phenomena.

Unfortunately, since late last summer and through the Fall, Berkeley cops began to roust people and tell them explicitly that sleeping on sidewalks/parking strips ANYwhere in the city was "no longer going to be allowed at all". Huh? When and how did that happen?

So far, no one can tell me. But I've heard that there may be some effort in the works to not only officially make that be the case, but possibly even worse  yet -- there are those that want to outright outlaw people homeless in Berkeley, except for those that became homeless while living in Berkeley. Now how might someone prove that?

Two Edged Swords Cutting Thru Curse/Blessings

I live in Two Worlds. At least two, really. And I'm "world weary" enough in just one!

I've been "out here" for about 20 months now. Initially, I really thought it might "only" be a couple of months at most, if near that long. In fact, I made concerted efforts to avoid becoming homeless at all, in advance, when I saw that I was situationally barreling toward that precipice. At first, I naively figured that I had a good, viable chance of arranging something else, even in terms of minimal, yet serviceably functional, lodging for an interim.

By now, there's no particular end in sight. And it's been such a struggle to have just made it this long. Meanwhile, so much that I've relied upon to do so has been strained, diminished, depleted or is simply changed and over and done with.

One of the worst ironies, and troubling dilemmas, is that I've found that some "options" that can ease the stresses and add some admittedly small or humble "comforts" to one's days/nights in the jam, come at a real risk of actually perpetuating it all the more. Yet, the "prices" of doing otherwise, to keep more concertedly attempting to more substantially improve or get out of the predicament, can be such serious gambles and incur even further hardships too.

It becomes so wearing, tiring, dispiriting and discouraging. And one is surrounded by others grappling similarly. Yet, right amongst countless others doing quite nicely, thank you. And the context of then "keeping up appearances" so as to "fit in". Somewhat. Somehow. Sometimes. Some ways.

The contrasts become so stark and steep! At one moment, I'll be retrieving a surplus military poncho for lame, filthy old man that sleeps down the block in a doorway to help him stay dry-er on a dank, cold, rainy day... and then have a breezy chat with an acquaintance about the thousands of dollars he's getting from a lawsuit won against his longtime landlord, and his upcoming plans for some new camera equipment.

I'll have lunch in a park, among the most ragtag mix including the most destitute, and later a "friend" generously serves a simple homecooked dinner to a handful of other of his "friends"... served from the trunk of his car, doled out of tinfoil containers onto paper plates on a busy street corner sidewalk. Delicious, too! But like feeding dogs. And as though it's "normal" somehow.

Most people stop inviting you to visit at their home. Ever. You've joined the "underclass" even among people that call you "friend". Even those that turn to you for favors, including borrowing your cash! I recall how weird it was for me to have people that wanted to "visit" with me a lot at cafe's,  wanting my attentions and company, but at closing time  departed wishing me a "good night"... both of us knowing I had to trudge a mere bicycle and loaded trailer ... somewhere ... to sleep on concrete sidewalks, sometimes in freezing cold and/or wet. "See ya' tomorrow!"

Such are the collisions of context in an area very used to both having numerous homeless people around and with ongoing "mixing" with others. Even usual "socializing". But a somewhat bizarre "class system" has evolved. Even a rather unfortunate version.

Once it becomes known that you've changed "class" and have descended to "the streets", you're seen and treated very differently. Same person, but dramatically changed status. And so revised dynamics.

The Sleepless Nightmare

I've referred to this entire experience as: A Surreal Nightmare. And it can and has been, in many ways, at many times.

One very basic aspect is actual sleep, though. Or, more specifically, a lack of sleep -- sleep deprivation, which can become chronic, with accumulating effects.

When on the streets, many folks "turn in" pretty early . . . once it gets dark and they can get away with retiring to their various "spots" undetected (or at least relatively undisturbed). Besides, what else is there to do all evening long -- especially when it's cold, or also wet?

And, either way, one usually has to get up and going very early in the morn, so logging enough sleep before then is vital, since the following long day must be tackled and possibly including a tedious series of necessary routines . . . lugging stuff around, more walking than most people do, trundling aroudn town and among meals or other necessary resources, etc.

It all  can be a grueling, exhausting grind. Enough so, that at the end of the day, there's enough raw exhaustion to grant the sorely needed and prized . . . simple sleep. I found that, when "out there" literally on the streets, with random people passing by (sometimes even actually stepping right over one) and all the other action and hubbub, the ONLY reason I could be in such circumstances and even go to or stay asleep at all was due to that deep fatigue.

My own routine wasn't to retire early. Instead, I'd spend evenings usually in wifi cafe's, to take advantage of prime time to try to make more happen, sell stuff online, probe for opportunities/resources, stay in touch with some, try to get something worthwhile done or just take shots at whatever. Plus, wanting/needing a range and variety of "social" or "community" contacts and interaction with a variety of other kinds of people. So I'd be "out" until midnight or so. THEN do the laborious trailered bicycle commute to . . . wherever I was "staying" at the time, to do the drill of unpacking the necessary things, securing everything else as well as could be, possibly waterproofing, etc. Only to reverse all this right away, first thing in the early morn. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Etc.

These days, I've been enjoying the incredible boon of being among the "vehicled", if still "homeless".  I''m still keeping pretty much the same evening/night hours "out" though, despite having this precious place to go most any time I'd like -- a private, secured place available for me to hole up in, even with relative "luxuries" -- light. heat, space (however modest), and more books and other items than could previously be carried/kept on hand. Even foods, drinks and treats. Heck, I can even watch movies on my laptop or iPod (as long as the batteries hold out).

AND I can also "sleep in" too, not absolutely having to get up and going right away very early to avoid expensive citations, or harassing rousts, or just because of a day's beginning hustle and bustle surrounding.

Depending upon where one is parked, certain external factors do apply. In timed zones, often beginning at 8am - 9am a two hour limit begins, requiring that the vehicle be moved. This parking leap-frogging can continue to go on all day, too, if staying in these areas, forcing the day into two-hour segments between these relocations to further parking  spots hopping from block to block.

But now with this relative comfort, the lack of the same extreme hardship has been having another, unexpected effect too -- insomnia. I've been having trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep. I've apparently become accustomed to relying upon a real exhausted fatigue as a sedative. Now, unless I'm pretty severely spent, I'm having trouble staving away all the stress, worries, concerns, and other thoughts and feelings that I'd so long had to only just keep at bay as I concentrated on only immediate survival and the ongoing perpetual NOW of just the very next things . . . all else aside.

My own mind tortures me. A couple of years' backlog of unresolved and mounting issues invades and clamors for my attention, in that humble womb of quiet, safe solitude. And it all plagues me while preventing sleep, even when pretty tired and craving my usual somatic sanctuary. I'm also a bit claustrophobic, and the upper cab-over bunk is a pretty tight fit which makes little difference when snoozing, but can close in and confine when awake. Although the rest of the space is a relative private, exclusive manor compared to being outdoors with only the "privacy" of a bivvy bag pulled over one's head, on any other standard it's fairly cramped too, and can rouse "cabin fever" in me.

So I've been having more trouble with all this in recent times than I'd realized I was in for. And then, once finally tuckered out enough to quell all the fitful, distracted latening nights and I finally do fall out, I'm either awakening too early when roused by nature's calls or ending up sleeping too late into morns. Or mid-days, if and when I haven't been able to sleep until, say, 4am - 6am or so.

This is now a new problem to try to handle. Among all the others. And so many as-yet largely unsolved problems. Which is part of what keeps me up so much. And so it all goes . . .

Rainy Daze

I've not yet repaired the windshield wipers, so during recent rainstorms, I'm forced to park somewhere... sometimes days at a time. This is a problem in more ways than one. But a major factor is more and more areas are imposing 2 hour parking limits, if one is not a resident of that area with the appropriate sticker on the vehicle identifying as such. Obviously, metered parking is out of the question too.

I've got my bike mounted on the back of the van, but riding much in pouring rain isn't the best solution. So I prefer to "dock" nearby where I usually go and need to be. Fortunately, there are still a couple of parking spots both unmetered and not subject to the 2 hour limit. But these are naturally coveted and it's competitive to get one. I've been pretty lucky at that, so far.

The rains just returned after a couple of days' break. A much needed break, as heavy condensation inside or an actual leak at the cabover window (not found  yet) had been getting conditions fairly dank and damp within. In fact a corner of my "bunk" was wet. So I was able to remove everything, dry it all out, clean and abate mold/mildow blooms, etc. And then put it all back in dry and fresh and tidy.

The result is that now, during our renewed storms it's much more pleasant in there. I enjoyed some snacks and a movie last night. Beautiful surprise sunny blue morn today, but before I unleash any Spring Fever, more storms are forecast over the next couple of days.