I bumped into a friend this morning and we talked for a spell. It's been awhile. Seems he's been going through some pretty rough times. Bad enough, that his whole scene has become a bit precarious. Wife left, business has been seriously down, taxes/debts have mounted, and his own state of being got strained, rattled and a lot less functional. That puts all that's left at real risk.
I watched another friend go through this about a year ago. Lost his job. His marriage broke up, with unfortunate effects. Lost his home. Lost a lot of belongings. Etc. As it became more obvious to me that he was heading toward that same kind of circumstantial precipice that I'd gone over the year before, I began to try to help him face things. To act. To prepare. To take fuller advantage of remaining time, resources and options, both to stave off and minimize the losses and damaging effects and to avail all he still did have to work with to maximize his options and best interests.
It didn't work too well. He dove into "denial", delay and kind of froze like the proverbial deer in the headlights. He just wouldn't take, or even allow, the proffered - and then urged - help. So he took a pretty steep and disorienting tumble, when he did reach that inescapable point when it all collapses.
Tbis morning's friend has recently been jolting out of that same kind of fraying demise, instead trying to deal with and manage the jangling sense of alarm and confusing, anxious wheel spinning that's a fairly common kind of reaction. I got a booby prize of credit to help "inspire" him, as he credits me with an example of "strength" as he's seen me endure and grapple with a much worse version than he's yet had to.
Well, okay. A silk purse effect out of my sow's ear of hardship? Fine enough.
Such stumbles and fumbles have really been going around these past couple of years. I see others in various stages and phases. And do what I can -- from here. It isn't near what I used to be able to. But it's a hard-won stance and "example." One that can really drive some points home.
Last year, I'd asked this friend if I might arrange with him to perhaps take a shower now and then. He marginally agreed but made some excuses at the time, and we both sidestepped discomforts by not bringing it up again. Instead, we swapped some other small practical favors from time to time. Now he needs some of my help. And he's a LOT more amenable to my needs.
Such is the nature of "shared" misfortunates. Hard won lessons, all around.
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