Reflections

Last night, I caught a news show feature about a fairly sizable group of people working to house homeless folks. I especially appreciate people who take direct action like that, outside of "the system" supposedly for the same purpose but comparatively dismal at doing so.

Just over three years ago, I became homeless. At the time of my "anniversary" date I was considering a posting here to mark that. Instead, I've let this blog idle out again. The reasons are distinct.

First and foremost, through that time I've realized how few people actually even want to read about this stuff, much less continue to on an ongoing basis. Heck, even good, caring friends tire of hearing about the vagaries, hardships and mind-numbing, dragged out saga. So I had to rethink my own purposes in keeping the blog going.

Secondly, I'm not "as homeless" as I was. I've managed to secure a rather modest, reliable income which immediately meant important improvements in my predicament, of course. Although I finally lost the RV I'd been relying on for over a year and a half to stay off the streets, I've also "been indoors" a lot this year. I haven't yet managed to arrange for a more full, real residence yet, but continue to try toward that. So it's back to the bicycle, public transport, etc. to get around in the meantime, too.

The streets and places I most relied upon while so totally "out there" have steadily become far less accomodating. In a rather ironic sense, I realize how relatively "fortunate" I was to have to go homeless at the time I did. There was quite a lot more resources, community and other "support" aspects available then, than there is now. It all would've been seriously harder to have to go through that now, especially that initial, disorienting and difficult time and process while still new to the predicament.

While I've been pleased to see that some of my efforts devoted to this topic, and particular local activist involvements I've pursued, have actually produced some manifest results of true benefit to some people, I also have had to reckon with some deep disappointment and discouragement about the overall, larger situation and how formidably the basic adverse conditions perpetuate. And even worsen.

So I seem to be perched on a possible or probable "escape" from those years of very precarious homeless plight. Yet, my life as I knew and had it going for so long, has apparently been fundamentally changed. I've lost so very much that took me years and years of earnest efforts to acquire and build. It's likely that I'll not be able to much restore myself to a lot of that again, too.

And the experience of having had that all happen, to find one's self "out there" on the streets with nothing and then be considered and treated so differently due to that, is something that also kind of changes one, in a pretty basic way. I'm now suspecting that some of the effects don't go away, especially when this happens later in life.

I continue to reflect on all these angles, even as I continue to ponder my way ahead. And just what I ought to continue to keep going, or not.